Seeing through new eyes . . .

Paradigm shifts in March:
OLD PARADIGM: It was Caleb’s ("the Man’s") job\duty\responsibility\physical measure of worth to get me a house.
NEW PARADIGM: If I want it, I can achieve it. My desires and the achieving of them are no one’s responsibility but my own.
OLD PARADIGM: A home is worth it’s equity and therefore a better financial decision than renting.
NEW PARADIGM: A house has no intrinsic value. The emotion I invest in a place is all the worth that place holds. And I can invest it in a cardboard box if I want and be happy. I have learned that what I actually VALUE about owning a house is not the ownership or the "financial freedom" that is promised, but instead the privacy and the fenced yard for my children to play in.
OLD PARADIGM: The prophets and apostles don't know what I recognize as the 14 principles of prosperity – or better said, the governing principles of the universe.
NEW PARADIGM: They know, live and teach all fourteen principles of prosperity. It makes sense, when I finally looked at their teachings instead of assuming they couldn’t possibly know what I do because I didn’t know it three months ago. I mean, how many super poor, victim minded, money grubbing socialists do you see sitting on the stand at General Conference? None. Because they are all living the Principals of Prosperity. They may not recognize it by those terms or words, but I know if I listed the principles to them, they would all nod their heads and say, "Yeah, that’s what we’ve been trying to tell you for years, in fact, since the world began!"
OLD PARADIGM: My children’s happiness is my responsibility.
NEW PARADIGM: My children’s well being is my responsibility. They have agency in their emotions and reactions just as much as an adult.
OLD PARADIGM: If I pick up a book and it "looks like Greek to me," It must be a dumb book and not worth reading and therefore I will rally with picket signs against the obvious pride and stupidity not only of the author but of his wordy ideas.
NEW PARADIGM: Some books are written poorly. That doesn’t have anything to do with the core ideas they are written about. I was just upset that I felt stupid and felt that I was being excluded from knowledge.
OLD PARADIGM: Teachers who won’t accept another view of a piece of literature when it’s offered to them must be stupid and prideful.
NEW PARADIGM: It’s prideful of me to go into a learning situation assuming I already know more than the teacher. It isn’t easy to look at something with double vision when you have been seeing it in single vision all your life. And it’s their choice.
OLD PARADIGM: There are certain things you can and cannot say to someone – particularly if you are married to them.
NEW PARADIGM: What on earth are you together for if you can’t talk to each other? If my vices are clear to my husband, and not to me shouldn’t I desire him to let me know and help me work past the negative and destructive behavior? I have decided. Yes. He may say it’s like I’m emotionally vomiting on him, but he also describes my moment of realization as "Ahh . . .there you are." I’m so proud of my husband.
OLD PARADIGM: If I can’t lose weight like other people, governing principles do not govern and I am broken.
NEW PARADIGM: There are all sorts of governing principles. I happen to practice the spiritual ones with great ease, and have all my life. The physical\health one’s . . . not so much. But if I learn them and practice them, they will work for me. It is inevitable and indisputable that if I live by governing true principles, I will prosper.
OLD PARADIGM: If I don’t understand something and I get angry, it will go away or it will get fixed merely because it is afraid of my power (doesn’t make sense, yet I believed it.)
NEW PARADIGM: Anger is an emotion that constrains the angry person to find something to blame. "Why am I feeling this way?" Anger is my way to not take responsibility for my part in whatever is making me mad. "Making me mad." Hear that? That’s the sound of my brain being scrubbed of it’s destructive thought patterns.
OLD PARADIGM: There are things I cannot say to my mother.
NEW PARADIGM: If I respect my mother and love her as much as I say, cowering from her does no good. I have always known my mother and I are alike. If this "call me on my junk" junk works on me, I have a high enough opinion of my mother that I believe she will see it and pull out of it. I have heard my mother say before that we are sisters and that when we leave this life, we will return to that state. I choose not to be afraid of the mother/daughter relationship anymore. If this woman is my sister and I see her struggling and unhappy I will not make that world more comfortable out of fear of her.
OLD PARADIGM: I want to help my mother because I want her to be happy.
NEW PARADIGM: I want my mother to be happy not solely for her to be happy. Basically, I realized what’s in it for me. Which is great, because then I can image it rather than sitting here thinking how I wish she would change . . . This said, I hope everyone caught the above paragraph where I talk about respecting my mother and loving her. I think I’m beginning to look at her the way Caleb looks at me . . . and I see hope of her returning whole to herself.

These are a few of my shifts. Oh my head!

New Paradigm or Bust!

Paradigm Shift: where the view we have always accepted as truth expands and clarifies because we have learned more or learned differently.
Think of a Paradigm Shift as a change from one way of thinking to another. It's a revolution, a transformation, a sort of metamorphosis. It just does not happen, but rather it is driven by agents of change.
Here's a metaphor for you, to help you visualize what I'm talking about: Imagine me (or you, or "Red" from Fraggle Rock if you like) pushing with all their might and energy against a steel door set in a brick wall because you subconciously know something you fear is on the other side. Then in a matter of seconds, the wall disapears and you fall smack dab into the cushy mess that was once your fear. You roll around in it, it clings to you and you are dizzy with the exhertion of having pushed against it so hard for so long. Momentarily you are dazed by the fact that this thing you feared - not ever knowing what it was - caught you when you 'fell' and isn't half so prickly as you would have imagined.
This is what happens when I learn something new. My subconcious is pushing against the flow of understanding becuase it fears the responsibility that comes with it.
When my paradigm shifts -often without a clutch - it physically hurts my brain. Right before a shift, I have a tendancy to get really angry. I say irrational victimized things like, "Why doesn't this just change?" or "Stupid principles!" In one sentance, I am asking why things don't do what I want them to without having to invest any time or energy to get it done. In the second I curse the governing laws of my body, my world and my universe. All in all, the majority of what I say the moments before I shift are the death throes of my old paradigm.
Then I hear or think that particular truth that gives me a new visual perscription on life. The wall doesn't have time to crumble and I certainly don't have time to open the door and walk leisurely through. It disapears. It disintigrates and I tumble headlong into a truer paradigm.
So this is the question I asked myself last night before going to bed: "How often in one's life should they expect their perspective to change? How many times in a year? How many times in a week?"
Then I looked back over the past week and counted up mine. Four huge ones and at least six smaller ones. Post if you want me to, and I'll share.
I say we must strive for a paradgim shift a day! Though they are jarring and greater responsibility follows the increase in knowledge, so does the JOY!!!

Mopey vs. Sad

In answer to the Fedaykin:
Sad means:
1. unhappy: feeling or showing unhappiness, grief, or sorrow
2. causing unhappiness
3. regrettable: unfortunate or to be deplored

Mopey means:
1. wander around moodily: to move in a listless or aimless way
2. gloomy mood: a bout of melancholy or sulkiness ( informal )

I am a fundamentally happy woman. I can look around me at any given time and be overwhelmed with the majesty of the life that is mine. Sure, I'm overweight. Sure I have missed the first two exams for my Nutrition class (don't panic, I have a plan.) Sure my apartment doesn't have enough storage space and I feel a little claustrophobic from time to time when I'm attempting to clean.
But I am healthy. I am in school. I have an apartment. I have a husband who chooses to be happy and isn't afraid to call me on my crap (or vices, for those of you who enjoy a softer turn of phrase). I have two beautiful children who love me. I have two families nearby that love me. I am gorgeous. I'm smart. The list literally goes on and on.
This said, there are times when I feel "mopey". Not sad. I simply don't want to do anything. I have a heavy sense of blah . . . sort of like wearing a coat padded with two pound weights all over. I feel restless, but want to crawl into a hole and just sleep the day (or days) away.
I used to panic when I felt this way. I used to assume it meant that I was "depressed" that I "wasn't living the gospel" or that there was something deeper "wrong with me." Thank heaven for journals. What I learn from those pages that contain the story of my life and words of my soul let's me recognize these times as what they are: healthy phases. So I can look at a mopey day and say, "This day will pass." and let myself be all mopey - and I mean ALL mopey: I don't do anything by halfsies - because I know that to the core, I am happy. I am happy! In my life, blessed as it is, Good days come. Bad days don't. Mopey days do. I can live with that.

For the Beauty of the Earth

Wendsday, March 7, 2007. Antelope Island, Utah. Day trip with the Nelson family . . .
Most beautiful clouds I've ever seen . . .

River loved riding around on my back while I took pictures -
Of the landscape -

Of Caleb skipping rocks -
Of Liam digging in the sand.
Just Like Daddy!!!

Anybody else moved by the beauty? How can someone look at these clouds, these waters, these children, this family and not see the hand of God in the creation of each? It was a little chilly, but we've braved a Bear Lake snow storm, so a little wind was nothing! I love Caleb's days off!

Three Guesses

Three guesses as to what is behind us that makes such a perfect white backdrop . . .
It's not sky. It's not snow covered earth . . . it's a lake! We went to Bear Lake to celebrate our 5 year anniversary! We had planned to go for a walk on the frozen waters, but as you can see it was snowing rather hard all day and we didn't want to make the kids hike through the snow covered rocks to the snow covered lake. But it was a fun excursion . . . for fifteen minutes.

Snacking

Like brother . . . .
Like sister.

It's Cookie Time!

Uncle Jeff and Liam "Chef" Nelson making cookies one winter evening. I loved this picture because they are making the same face!
This picture may be a little fuzzy, but look how cute my boy is when he makes cookies!