Tuesday, September 8, 2009

A day of home-y joy!

Meet our new friend: N+. *Lemur inserts the following: "Made by my mother. You can have one if you want. Just ask her nice and she'll make one just this nice for you, too."* He was requested by my son after his Reunion Bandana ninja became so well loved he could no longer hold up his head. So this morning I got an old sheet from MRR and while he was at school constructed this new little friend. But the real question was: would Lemur approve?
He says the above is his best smiling face because he is so happy. He thanked me all the way home from school, saying it was the best and most clever ninja ever. He especially loved the braided headband and sword holder.

Then I was surprised to hear that Rivulet wanted to play in the sprinkler. After a few moments of "play", however, I got the feeling she onlywanted to wear her swimsuit and dance around outside.
Oh well. She's cute anyway.

There's only one more thing you have to do and you know what it is!!!

Do it Rockapella!!!
Last week Muad'Dib took me on a date. We went down to Thanksgiving point, had dinner at Iceberg Drive In and enjoyed a night outdoors with acapella music. T-5 opened the evening. See anyone familiar below? Yeah, that's Karston. He and Muad'Dib went to school together. Then came the main event! ROCKAPELLA!!!! Below is Scott Leonard, the only remaing original member of the group that sang on Carmen Sandiego all those years ago.

Papa was a Rolling Stone . . .
The funniest moment was when Kevin (the one on the far left) was singing "Zombie Jamboree" and forgot his prop. That prop is a fake eye that he takes from his pocket and drops on the ground. The song is supposed to continue as "Woah-o-oh Zombie Jamboree, it's getting very hard for me to see. I cannot find my eyeball anywhere . . ." and so on. So . . he forgets his eye and just stays doubled over for a moment. Scott comes up and says - in character - "what's up, Kevin?" Kevin, completely laughing and out of character (this was the encore, after all) whispers, "I don't have it! I don't have it." Those of us close enough to hear him started snickering. Until Jeff Thatcher (the BeatBox) offered: "Uh, I swallowed a bug." Everyone laughs. Kevin stands up and sings, "Woah-o-oh Zombie Jamboree, it's getting very hard for me to sing. I'm swallowing bu-ugs every where Woah-o-oh!"

Loved it. We have seen Rockapella perform live at least three times. I enjoyed it the first time, cried the second time and sat four feet from them this time. Loved it. The date, the outdoors, the music, the entertainment. The very best was being with my wonderful husband. Love him.

Saturday, September 5, 2009

The Hand of Me.

Many people struggle to see the hand of God in their lives. I am not nor have I for any great length of time been one of those people. Granted, there have been a good month or four when I wallowed in thoughts of "Where art Thou?!" But all in all, I lived my life as a woman of faith.

This morning, I was leaned over to flick on a light switch and felt what can only be described as a painful tearing. It felt like my lower back muscles just ripped apart. Now logically, I'm still walking and bending so that can't have been the case. So . . . let's just say "WHAT THE HECK!??" and take a deep breath and move on. No muscles tore, nothing broke. I'm just in a 6 amount of pain and all I did was reach over to turn on a light. The sort of thing a woman of 60 might experience.

While trying to further move and carry on with my morning routine I thought to myself, "Why me?" and "Why can't I just get a blessing and be healed?!" Healed of back problems, weight problems, super spiritual sensitivity (the bad ways), and roller coaster emotions. I want all these things to go away. I have been healed of other things. I have seen other people healed of things. I have seen the hand of God present in my life.

But what about the hand of Me?

That thought came at me out of months and years of Muad'Dib and Wildman and Fedaykin and others telling me that I must obey true principles in order to see true results.
But isn't my fantastic faith a "Get out of responsibility free" card? Why can't I just faith it away?

Because faith isn't my problem. I got faith. I got faith in Jesus of Nazareth as the Christ, the Messiah, my personal Savior and perfect example. I have faith in Joseph Smith as a true prophet of God. I have faith in God, who is my Eternal Father. I have faith that if I live the principles of the Gospel of Jesus Christ as outlined in the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints, and the scriptures and inspired words of the prophets past present and future, I will gain eternal life along with those other members of my family who choose to achieve the same. Bam. I have faith that life continues on after this world. I have faith that family continues on after this world. I have faith that God loves me, is aware of me and is invested in my progress and joys.

Okay, I misspoke. Faith is the problem. But not my faith in God. My faith in ME is my problem. My faith in physical laws for physical law sake is my problem. The statement Leto makes to Moneo keeps running through my mind, "Is not your obedience lesson enough?"

If any of you remember, about this time last year I hurt my back pretty severely, after having been exercising, yoga-ing and eating well. I learned a valuable lesson about hope. Well, I learned what hope was and that I didn't really have it or implement it daily.

I went on to drop a couple dozen pounds before Christmas. Then . . . I gave up. Muad'Dib says it perfectly when he told me that the most important thing to him was that I not adopt a "give up attitude."

Yet this give-up attitude and I have held company for nearly six months. I haven't watched my weight except to beat myself up about it. I haven't exercised except as it pertained to being in a play - which was minimal. I have barely cooked at all. I have ignored many relationships outside my home. I have barely attempted to fill my calling at church.

Through this time I have prayed about certain things felt nothing. Then there are other, less personal things I have prayed about - like a friend being able to adopt a baby, like finding opportunities I sought, even financial help - and answers to those prayers come within a week!

This leads me to wonder if everyone else is right. I took control of my health and care once, and it worked out. It worked out beautifully. I told my body what to do, never broke the rules and in just over three months I went from 160 lbs to 118 lbs.

But over the past few years I have given myself over to my emotions. My emotions and feelings run the ever-loving show. I eat according to how I feel. Then I act according to the way I feel. What a messed up way to live every hour of every day. What an uncertain crazy "what the hell" way to do things! No one is safe. And if what you're living isn't working for you: change it.

So here is my current conclusion: My body is not solely an emotional or spiritual conduit, a pipe through which my life experiences either flow or clog. My body, quite basically is a machine. It is the vehicle in which I will travel through this life and this world.
So what's with all the abuse? What's with all the emotional molly-coddeling? What good does that do? My body doesn't want things that will hurt it! My body only wants to run at optimum performance! Which means that only my emotions want me to satiate them with comfort.

Comfort can be found in many areas. Food need not be that comfort. I would not take chocolate and butterscotch syrup and dump it into the engine of my car when I'm depressed hoping that I will feel better!! Does the clunking and the breaking apart of my engine really make it better? NO!

Where is this blog and it's rambing road of thought going? It's coming to the declaration that I need not look to the Hand of God to remove the burden of my weight. I must take my machine to the shop and sacrifice whatever I must to get the thing back in perfect working condition. Though if you ask Muad'Dib or any other Ayn Randian, Sacrifice is only the act of giving up something you want for something you want MORE. I will come out the victor. I just have to stop thinking with my vicious emotions and hunker down.

Get it done. Gain a testimony of the power of ME to fix my own self!!

Thursday, September 3, 2009

Sunset on the Reunion. Oh, and the kidlets.

BLERG!!! (And not in a good way)

"So Michael is out there. What are we going to do when we find him?"
"Bring him back."
"What if he doesn't want to come back?"
"I'll talk to him."
"I think he's beyond listening to reason."
"So you think we should just leave him. Write him off?"
"Who are we to decide what people can or can't do?"

- Conversation between Jack and Locke in the second season of Lost.

I had an old friend call me today and tell me a very sad story about her mother in law who was sick and getting progressively sicker. She was upset that the government was failing her mother in law in regards to health care. Medicare, Social Security and so on. She talked my ear off about the righteous indignation she spouted to customer care operators and their supervisors. Then she finished this story with: "It just doesn't seem right."

So I asked her, "Are you saying it doesn't seem right that the government isn't taking care of your mother in law, even though she meets none of the lawful criteria for said help, or it doesn't seem right that a woman as old and as smart as her would have never bought disability or Long Term Care insurance as a protection against this kind of thing, seeing as it runs in her family?"



These things kill me. Well, these things and the "I pledge to serve President Obama" video that was recently shown in a Farmington, Utah School. (I watched it on YouTube, but wouldn't recommend it unless you have a strong stomach.)

Really? A man wants to go out into the jungle after his son - personal safety be damned! - but it is somehow every one's JOB to go bring him back whether he wants to come back or not. And in this scenario, we are supposed to be rooting for Jack for being a caring guy, a team player. Ugh.

A woman works a bit in her life. She's mostly a stay at home mom. She has a certain illness that runs in the family. She never sees fit to put away even $65 a month into a policy that is DESIGNED to take care of her if she is stricken with that illness, and somehow the GOVERNMENT is the bad guy?

A bunch of "famous people" get on screen and pledge to do this and that, mainly be greener and be superfluously nicer (smile more, learn the names of their other rich neighbors, etc), asking you what you will pledge; followed by a Brady Bunch x 10 of their heads all pledging service to OBAMA!!

It hurts. It hurts my little soul in this big world. It's painful that kids who watch the President's address to children have to be TOLD not to pick on the kids who choose not to.

Maybe this is what happens when I read the paper. I think. I become involved emotionally in the dealings of this mad world and wonder . . . Then I get emotional and use a bit of anger because what I really feel is powerless. I can't change it.

I can only teach my children the principles of the gospel. I can teach them stewardship and respect for private property. I can teach them a solid work ethic. I can teach them how to be kind and diplomatic and honest. I can teach them to trade (I don't really emphasise the sharing thing. Trading makes everyone happy. Sharing just makes them resent the person they had to share with and me: the person who FORCED them.)

These things I will do. Hoping that it is enough . . . because it is the only arena where I hold any power at all.