Wednesday, March 28, 2007

New Paradigm or Bust!

Paradigm Shift: where the view we have always accepted as truth expands and clarifies because we have learned more or learned differently.
Think of a Paradigm Shift as a change from one way of thinking to another. It's a revolution, a transformation, a sort of metamorphosis. It just does not happen, but rather it is driven by agents of change.
Here's a metaphor for you, to help you visualize what I'm talking about: Imagine me (or you, or "Red" from Fraggle Rock if you like) pushing with all their might and energy against a steel door set in a brick wall because you subconciously know something you fear is on the other side. Then in a matter of seconds, the wall disapears and you fall smack dab into the cushy mess that was once your fear. You roll around in it, it clings to you and you are dizzy with the exhertion of having pushed against it so hard for so long. Momentarily you are dazed by the fact that this thing you feared - not ever knowing what it was - caught you when you 'fell' and isn't half so prickly as you would have imagined.
This is what happens when I learn something new. My subconcious is pushing against the flow of understanding becuase it fears the responsibility that comes with it.
When my paradigm shifts -often without a clutch - it physically hurts my brain. Right before a shift, I have a tendancy to get really angry. I say irrational victimized things like, "Why doesn't this just change?" or "Stupid principles!" In one sentance, I am asking why things don't do what I want them to without having to invest any time or energy to get it done. In the second I curse the governing laws of my body, my world and my universe. All in all, the majority of what I say the moments before I shift are the death throes of my old paradigm.
Then I hear or think that particular truth that gives me a new visual perscription on life. The wall doesn't have time to crumble and I certainly don't have time to open the door and walk leisurely through. It disapears. It disintigrates and I tumble headlong into a truer paradigm.
So this is the question I asked myself last night before going to bed: "How often in one's life should they expect their perspective to change? How many times in a year? How many times in a week?"
Then I looked back over the past week and counted up mine. Four huge ones and at least six smaller ones. Post if you want me to, and I'll share.
I say we must strive for a paradgim shift a day! Though they are jarring and greater responsibility follows the increase in knowledge, so does the JOY!!!

Sunday, March 18, 2007

Mopey vs. Sad

In answer to the Fedaykin:
Sad means:
1. unhappy: feeling or showing unhappiness, grief, or sorrow
2. causing unhappiness
3. regrettable: unfortunate or to be deplored

Mopey means:
1. wander around moodily: to move in a listless or aimless way
2. gloomy mood: a bout of melancholy or sulkiness ( informal )

I am a fundamentally happy woman. I can look around me at any given time and be overwhelmed with the majesty of the life that is mine. Sure, I'm overweight. Sure I have missed the first two exams for my Nutrition class (don't panic, I have a plan.) Sure my apartment doesn't have enough storage space and I feel a little claustrophobic from time to time when I'm attempting to clean.
But I am healthy. I am in school. I have an apartment. I have a husband who chooses to be happy and isn't afraid to call me on my crap (or vices, for those of you who enjoy a softer turn of phrase). I have two beautiful children who love me. I have two families nearby that love me. I am gorgeous. I'm smart. The list literally goes on and on.
This said, there are times when I feel "mopey". Not sad. I simply don't want to do anything. I have a heavy sense of blah . . . sort of like wearing a coat padded with two pound weights all over. I feel restless, but want to crawl into a hole and just sleep the day (or days) away.
I used to panic when I felt this way. I used to assume it meant that I was "depressed" that I "wasn't living the gospel" or that there was something deeper "wrong with me." Thank heaven for journals. What I learn from those pages that contain the story of my life and words of my soul let's me recognize these times as what they are: healthy phases. So I can look at a mopey day and say, "This day will pass." and let myself be all mopey - and I mean ALL mopey: I don't do anything by halfsies - because I know that to the core, I am happy. I am happy! In my life, blessed as it is, Good days come. Bad days don't. Mopey days do. I can live with that.

For the Beauty of the Earth

Wendsday, March 7, 2007. Antelope Island, Utah. Day trip with the Nelson family . . .
Most beautiful clouds I've ever seen . . .
River loved riding around on my back while I took pictures -
Of the landscape -

Of Caleb skipping rocks -
Of Liam digging in the sand.
Just Like Daddy!!!

Anybody else moved by the beauty? How can someone look at these clouds, these waters, these children, this family and not see the hand of God in the creation of each? It was a little chilly, but we've braved a Bear Lake snow storm, so a little wind was nothing! I love Caleb's days off!

Saturday, March 10, 2007

Three Guesses

Three guesses as to what is behind us that makes such a perfect white backdrop . . .
It's not sky. It's not snow covered earth . . . it's a lake! We went to Bear Lake to celebrate our 5 year anniversary! We had planned to go for a walk on the frozen waters, but as you can see it was snowing rather hard all day and we didn't want to make the kids hike through the snow covered rocks to the snow covered lake. But it was a fun excursion . . . for fifteen minutes.


Like brother . . . .
Like sister.

It's Cookie Time!

Uncle Jeff and Liam "Chef" Nelson making cookies one winter evening. I loved this picture because they are making the same face!
This picture may be a little fuzzy, but look how cute my boy is when he makes cookies!