Friday, February 22, 2008

Memorable moments with Muad'Dib

*Getting lost and buying Advil for a headache on our first date.

*Dancing; feeling safe in someone's arms for the first time.

*Watching him play the piano. In the Institute, at Mountain Road Ranch or at my parent's house. Every time I see him seated at a piano, my heart gets warmer.

*Resolving a two hour problem with a fifteen minute conversation and thinking: "That was suprisingly easy. And I feel suprisingly better."

*Feb 21, 2002: The first day of the rest of my life!

*Reading in bed with my husband.

*Reading with my husband on the beach at sunset in Carmel-by-the-Sea.

*Getting lost on our way to Zion.

*Playing in the ocean on a stormy day, on an empty beach.

*Getting lost on our way to Disneyland


*Playing Gauntlet until four in the morning.

*Getting lost in San Fransisco. Hey, those roads are messed up!

*Dinner at Fisherman's Wharf.

*Our first romantic married dinner. The potatoes were crunchy and I burned the salmon. The brownie pie was also a disaster. He ate it anyway.

*Each time he guessed that I was pregnant.

*Reading Malcolm X while he massaged my feet.

*Listening to his voice as he read to me after Lemur was born (I couldn't see well enough to read for myself).

*Subsequently reading the entire Death Gate Cycle out loud to each other over the next two years. "As part of the ritual" and "because it was slippery" entered our phrase vocabulary. So did "It was quiet. Too damn quiet." And together we pioneered the practice of reading serious novels aloud with funny voices. I seriously recommend reading a dangerous assasin as though he had a pirate's accent. Or an evil warlock who speaks like a news caster.

*Driving home from Panguich by way of Manti . . . what do you mean that's not the way we were supposed to go?

*Vacationing in a place so cold, our electric car door froze OPEN.

*Not being able to go to bed at the same time because we laugh and giggle for over an hour. Never fails.

*Christmas suprises. No one can suprise and impress me with gifts like my Muad'Dib.

*Five year anniversary jewlery. It is mystical and mysterious how a woman reacts to jewlery attatched to the words, "I love you."

*"Oh, these are for you."

*Cinderella Man


*" The spice must flow."



*Singing together.

*Rock Band.

*X-box bonding.

*Miraculously being able to cook after Rivulet was born: and watching Muad'Dib enjoy the fruits of my labor.


*Erosion Table

*Muad'Dib's face the first time he held his daughter.


*Watching him laugh.

*Being able to hear him in a crowd. Many people tune out his voice and thereby miss how freaking hilarous he is.

*Working alongside him.


*Narrows - particularly the first few feet - because I was showing off and fell (recieving the first and only injury on the hike) and the last leg when everyone else had left us in the dust and I could barely walk.


*Watching movies and T.V. together because . . . well, it's just funnier with our commentaries.

*Muad'Dib playing with and/or disciplining our children.

*The Sunday (while I was pregnant with Rivulet) that Muad'Dib went to Elder's Quorum meetings and came home to find Lemur and me in hysterics. I couldn't explain why I was crying, and he simply started laughing. Which got me laughing. He took Lemur and gave me the afternoon off at home. He always knows when to laugh at me and when to hold me.

*Dedicating our apartments.

*Chauvelin, Huck, (our only stage kiss) Romeo, Old Gobbo, Prince of Aragon, Archie Craven, Raif Rackstraw . . . and more to come.

*"Blood will flow!"

To name a few.

Some nicknames for the man I love:
*Lover monkey
*Shade of my heart.
*Kaleeb Muad'Dib
*Sweet seductive honey-speckled love muffin.

Thursday, February 21, 2008

Six years ago today . . .

Ode to my Hair.

Silky mass, Redrock sand caught in a river's pull

Spilling over my shoulders, sweeping down my back.

Tendrils curling, dancing in the wind

Forever framing my beauty.

Seaweed in a pool, undulating from my crown and flowing with the tide

Halo about my head, marking me as a saint with your golden glory.

Set fire to my world with the light

caught in your long fingers,

stroking my face with the delicate love

that makes you up: that makes you mine.

Friday, February 15, 2008

Bubbles Bubbles everywhere!.

For Valentines Day, my son was given $10. After much deliberation, this is what he spent it on:

Money well spent, in my opinion. It's moments like this that I wish our camera took moving pictures. River's laugh was priceless.
Also, while trying to name this post, I tried to think of all the "bubble" quotes I could. Can anyone name what these are from? Or think of any others?
*"Double, double, toil and trouble; fire burn and cauldron bubble."
*"The boy in the bubble and the baby with the baboon heart."
*"Bubbles, bubbles everywhere, but not a drop to drink."

Tuesday, February 12, 2008

With arms wide open

If God is omnipotent, does it make sense that we are trying to "prove" ourselves to Him? Or is it more likely that we are given opportunities to prove our worth and power to ourselves?

Common phrase: "God does not give us more than we can handle."

Which is translated by some into "God has given me these trials because he knows I can handle it."
But this thought process goes into the despairatory realm of believing that God had a certain amount of trials, say 28 billion, and that he needed to dole them out to someone before the end of the earth experience. He looked down at some (who we see as having "few" trials) and said, "They’re too weak, and they can’t handle this much so who can I put it on. I mean, I have to get through them all!" So he looks down at some one else (who we see as having "many" or "grevious" trials) and had said, "I remember that one. Strong as an ox they were. They can handle these." and shoveled them on.

What?! What kind of God do you believe in? Obviously not the God of Love that I believe in.

Confession: I used to subscribe to this way of thinking. Mainly because everyone else was, and I had not stopped "suffering" long enough to ask a very important question of said suffering:


Not ask it of God, because it’s not His fault and He is not to blame. On that day, I was given a blessing. In it I was told as well as shown one of the most valuable lessons of my life. I saw a path, with many rocks and dips in the road, many branches and thickets hiding my view. I heard: "If I pointed out every obstacle and pulled back every branch: you’d never learn." I could see His hand gently pulling one or two branches back, as though to tell me that He can be there to soften a blow or to guide me, but all in all I am here to learn.

My learning. My education. My growth toward God-hood. That is the agenda of the God of Love.

I remember a little of myself before my mortal coil. Thinking about who that being was (and in many ways still is) I must now try and put my life experiences into a helpful perspective. A perspective of learning. If who I was was awesome, but not a God-ready self, then what do I have to learn HERE that will make me that God-ready self?

It puts a new light on every "trial." I am not under a gun. I am not in a position where I have to justify myself to my God. It is only asked of me - not even required - that I learn from the life He and I outlined together and that I continue to create. I believe we sat down together and He asked with His hand on my shoulder, "My beloved daughter. Who do you want to be when you grow up?" And together we decided which schools of though to attend. Which experiences would shape me the most effectively. There are some I believe we decided upon right then and there. Others I create for myself because I didn’t learn the first time, or because I didn’t learn all that I had wanted to in the first experience.

I know many people don’t like this idea. I’m not sure why. I know my reason on bad days is that I don’t want that much responsibility. I don’t want to think that sometimes I’m having things happen to me because I asked for them or created them or whatever.

But I can’t remember the story of anyone who learned anything by hiding from the truth. So that is my endeavor: to face the truth and be sincerely grateful for it.

The truth that I am an awesome creative power, both before earth, on earth and after earth. I am a daughter of God. I was taken aside in a "family council" where I expressed my wishes. I even expressed trust in Him that He may - as He saw fit - remind me of truth even surprise me, if you will, no matter how uncomfortable the means. And when I look at it that way, He has never used uncomfortable means. Resistance makes anything uncomfortable.

So what’s the current experience that re-taught me this lesson?

Casting out my own personal demon.

Yeah, you read me.

Now a moment of gratitude: Thanks to Amber for reminding me.
Thanks to my Coach for awakening me.
Thanks to my husband for trusting me.
Thanks to my kids for loving me no matter what.
And thanks to everyone one else for supporting me.

Many times I feel that I have too many thoughts to think. I am afraid that I will not be able to do what needs to be done day to day if I think my thoughts. And in that way,sometimes it seems so much easier to turn off my brain and hide away until the days run over me to their end. How grateful am I that I have felt that feeling so that now I can recognize how WRONG it is.

Today: I greet you with arms - and mind - open wide!!!