Something is not quite jiving. Hmm.
In thinking over my last blog, I have recognize in myself a habit of self-deprecation. Not when it comes to singing or acting or even dancing, really. I can see my worth in those areas. Yay. However, while policing my thoughts the past few days I have noticed a trend:
"I should write today. But So & So told me she already has 326 pages of her manuscript done. She's so far ahead of me. Maybe the world has enough authors and I should find something else to do . . ."
"I'd like to go on a hike. But I'm not as fast as *sister-in-law* or as strong as *brother-in-law.* I'd slow everyone down. Remember Subway?" And then the memory of my behavior on Subway pretty much shuts me down.
"I wanna take a dance class. But I'm not as thin as Thus 'n' So, nor have I been dancing for as long as most of the people there. They'd have to spend too much time on me. I'll dance in my kitchen." Which I don't do because:
"I'll dance in the kitchen. But what if someone sees me? I don't look cool like people in the movies . . ."
"I want to go for a run. I'm too bouncy. And I can't run a marathon like Pretty Lady in the ward. She ran six miles yesterday, and it was like nothing. Leave the running to the runners."
"I feel like doing Yoga this morning." *image of adorable sister-in-law at a particular SU lake enters my mind, full of grace and form* "Well, maybe after everyone goes to bed or something. I don't look like it's supposed to look."
"I should pick up the Tobie story. But when I told that lady about it, she did say that my premise was common. I should just leave that one alone."
"I want to host a party! I'm not as well off as SomePeople. And my house isn't as big as theirs. Maybe I'm not a very good hostess after all. I wish someone would invite me over to their house . . ."
I'm sure the idea has been got. Yikes. I just wrote a big old blog about compliments. About being grateful for what and who YOU are. And I totally missed the point of being grateful for what I AM. And to do so without comparison.
None of these people said I wasn't as good at the activity as they were. I did. I said I wasn't as good or talented or fast or thin or flexible or whatever else. ME!
So . . . how can I rephrase these in my head to leave only the compliment to them, and make it not about me?
Um, I just took a minute aside and tried to re-write the above self-depricators. It's hard! I'm really struggling. How does one re-frame one's own thoughts so as not to shut one's self down? The best I came up with was straightforward, "So & So is totally focused. How could I learn from that?"
I'm thinking that could apply to all of these. "What could I learn from them/that/him/her/it?"
That is the key! I must be humble enough to accept that there is always something we can learn from everyone! Even the people we feel we have no threat from, "I'm easily a better mom than her." (Sometimes I think people think this about me . . .) It goes back to asking yourself, "Is that true? Can I absolutely know it is true? What does that say about me? Who would I be without that thought?"
My brain opened up and I am pleased with the result. No wonder this has been itching around inside me for long. I was about to learn something! And I have. I have learned that pride is counteracted by humility, and humility is the attitude of being consistantly grateful and employing a willingness to learn from situations and my other brothers and sisters.
Awesome, Father in Heaven; simply awesome. Thank you!