Sunday, February 7, 2010

Eulogy of an Intruder

"We are here to mourn the death of our beloved Hive-Brother, Flitterbik (so named for Grand old Flitterbik who we believe to have sired so many of us, who was so named for a game he heard a group of humans playing years ago - though he could never quite figure out what "mythological" meant).

Each of us is aware of the conditions and possible future facing our hive-family. Despite the risks, Flitterbik - our noble brother - left the dry and safe confines of the hive this morning in search of food and water. He made little show of his going, shy and reserved as he was, but his actions did not go unnnoticed by Hive-Keeper Whzzzmn. Whzzzmn alerted us to the situation, speaking highly of the stoic and brave Flitterbik, who took no real concern for himself.

A search party was sent out. But as WaterSeeker, Damnit, Barkwalker, Ihatethosebugs, and Ugh reached the take-off platform they saw it was too late. The large long-haired human woman, the one which we call InBetween - so named because she stands between us and food, water and life - caught sight of Flitterbik. For a moment the rescue party thought they had been seen, for InBetween said, "Ugh, damn it! I hate those bugs," but in fact it seems she was just speaking a language that sounded like their names.

To the horror of onlooking eyes, she wound toilet paper around her hand, fashioned it into a soft white coffin - for indeed that's what it was - and approached our brother, Flitterbik. Flitterbik could see the end coming. But overtired from the cold, lack of food and water he greeted his demise gracefully. He held still. He did not make trouble. So doing would likely cause InBetween to actively retaliate on us all. He knew this. His sacrifice enables our survival for a short time longer.

InBetween enveloped him in the tissue and walked him to the Watery Tunnel. The rescue party believes she showed a kind of deference to Flitterbik, because she paused and mumbled something before sending him on his way.

Now, brothers - dear Queen - was Flitterbik's sacrifice for naught? I say no! Ugh tells us that his wings were not moving when he was captured. Ihatethosebugs says he was standing on cloudy air, but sideways. And Barkwalker noted that there was an uncommon amount of moisture in the air. So we have learned something. And that lesson is: If you we do attempt to go out the glowing square, we must not stop and stand transfixed by the cloud! We must push forward with more force and more determination and never stop to rest! For when we do, when we are distracted by the wonder of the man made world, InBetween will find us and InBetween will send us down the Watery Tunnel!

Remember Flitterbik in your hearts, my brothers. And let us wait a while until one of us tries again. Let InBetween think she has got the last of us! Hahahaha!!!"

Yes. This is what I imagine the hornets are saying back in their hive after I killed yet ANOTHER winged intruder in my bathroom. Ugh. I hate those bugs.


Desertbound said...

Oh my goodness, Sayy! You are hilarious!

Fedaykin said...

I would imagine more of a militaristic funeral, the death of Flitterbik being the galvanizing event, the Pearl Harbor. War is coming. Best to prepare. I recommend carburetor cleaner. Drops em dead instantly.

CowboyBob said...

If war comes, remember that your weapon of choice may be toxic to your own forces. I prefer the old days of hand to hand combat myself, or perhaps a rolled up magazine or newspaper kept handy.

Kassidy said...